A Koi Pond and Texas Feng Shui

The best sound ever this morning: a scratching scraping sound and the beep beep of a large truck backing up. Why? Because I peeked out the window, hoping against hope, and saw the trash men had hoisted our broken oven on top of all the trash piled in the dump truck and were carting it off. Yay for a great start to the day.THANK YOU TRASH MEN!

Those of you who have read Villa in the Hilla may recall some of my trash woes from Africa. The little village we lived in had no trash pick up service. The residents just dumped their trash in the dirt trench dug on either side of the one paved road that connected our village to the highway leading to town. Plastic bags, old clothes, rotten food, paper, you name it. When the trenches got full, someone lit them on fire. Trash. Even dead animals y'all. Gross. We dumped our trash there a couple of times because when-in-Rome. But I just couldn't do it more than once or twice. I started bagging up our trash (which was significantly more than any of the villagers ever had) and bringing it to town with me and then dumping it in the first dumpster I could find. It made for stinky rides to town.

Other times, when we heard there was, in fact, trash pick up, we tried putting our trash out to be hauled away by the supposed trash men. But the neighbors would get to it first and go through it, pulling out stuff they considered valuable. It's awkward to throw away something and a week later find it decorating your neighbor's house.

Fast forward to life here. We have a large oven that is broke. What to do with it? We dragged it out from where we had been storing it in our outside empty koi pond. (You know you are in Asia when your house comes standard with a built-in koi pond. Like good Texans, we store our broken junk in it. How's that for feng shui?)

What about when you have more junk than fits in your koi pond? Why, you gotta get rid of stuff. So we decided to say goodbye once and for all to the broken oven. But the metal worker guy we found didn't want it. Even after Kris and Aaron drug that thing out of the pond for him to see it. So they drug it to the sidewalk outside our house and we hoped for the best. Surely SOMEONE wants a broken oven, right?

One day passed and someone took the knobs off the oven. It's not really stealing since we wanted someone to take it. It's just that we wanted someone to take ALL of it. Who is gonna want a broken oven with no knobs?

Enter, the trash men. On Day Two, at about 6:30 in the morning I heard the beautiful scraping, scratching noise and the beep beep of the truck. I ran to the window and saw the oven in the back of the truck as it was whisked away to where ever broken ovens go.

Do you live in a place with trash pick-up service? It seems like a stinky and thankless job. But I've lived without it before and I can say that we all need our trash men. If you get a chance, give your trash man a big THANK YOU today!

T9 You're Killin' Me!

OK, I may not be a digital citizen, but I know how to SMS y'all. I even use T9 to predict the word and help me type faster. But I do not have a smart phone...on several levels. And even when I try to go into my "dictionary" to "teach" my phone a new word, it will not remember it. In addition to being an SMS idiot, my phone does not like me to edit. So I spend a lot of time fighting with my phone, trying to get the little cursor in just the right spot. It takes a lot of energy and patience y'all. I'm supposed to use this cute little stylus that looked so fun in the store.

So here is my glossary for all my friends out there who receive SMS messages from me. Can you please just do me a favor and post this somewhere so you can decipher my messages? I promise if we agree to do this, I'll gain about an hour or so to every day.

1. When I am talking about my husband Kris, I do NOT mean Krishna, no matter what my phone says. Seriously? Why on earth does my phone know the word Krishna?

2. "Woohoo!" is now Wmmgmm! Please just know that I am celebrating with you.

3. While I am sometimes meek, I am "Jana" not "Lamb"

4. My phone does not like to "PTL" so can we just call it "Rules"?

5. And when I think something is really gross, please just let me say "Yukon".

6. If something is "yum" let's just agree to call it "zuo".

7. And if I will get back to you quickly, I'll tell you that I'll get you the information "ARCS"

In honor of Cyber Monday, I need some friends to feel my technology woes. Seriously, does anyone else have this problem?

Shout Out to Fractions!

Lessons learned today:

1. Never let your brain go on cruise-control even when using a tried-and-true recipe
2. Common sense and little red flags that go up in your brain are gifts from heaven. Pay attention to them.
3. Well, I think that's pretty much it.

Today I cooked for two different sets of folks. Why not double the recipe and just use half for one set and half for the other. Why that is an excellent idea, I think I'll do that. 

And why not use a well-liked recipe so that I know it will be a guaranteed good meal for all involved in eating it. Why that is another excellent idea. Let's do it!

So I begin preparing oven fajitas, a recipe I found on Pinterest. So far everyone has loved it. Awesome. Here I go. I start mixing up the spices that will be used to marinate the chicken. As I begin measuring out the various spices I say to myself,

"Hmmm, that seems like a lot of spices. I don't remember that...well, it must be because I have doubled the recipe. Yes, that's it."

A few spices later...

"Wow, that really seems like a lot. Well, I think I have more spices in the cabinet this time than I did last time. I must have skipped some of the ingredients last time. OK, I'll just keep on, I mean, I've made this many times and I know it's good."

I finally get to "Cayenne Pepper" which is one of the spices I did not have before. My brain is thinking about switching to cruise-control. My eyes register "8 tsp". Wow, that is a lot. I start measuring it out. Doubling the recipe, of course, will mean 16 tsp. Really? Wow. By tsp number 4 I think,

"Hmmm, that really is a lot." 

I dip my finger into the cayenne pepper and taste it, yep, it's pretty spicy. I think I'll stick with 3 tsp. I try to dig out what I can from the pile of spices I've dumped into the bowl to get the cayenne pepper down to a lesser amount.

Ok, marinate chicken. It's all in the pan and ready to bake. I double check the recipe for the amount of time to bake. That's strange. It's not on the recipe. I look it up on the internet site. That's when I notice the spice amounts are different on the internet recipe. When I go back to check the recipe I am using on Pinterest, I see that the TOP number of the FRACTION is way off in the left-hand margin, nowhere near the recipe itself. That leaves the bottom number over by the recipe. So instead of 1/2 Tablespoon of chili powder, for example, I read "2 Tablespoons". But I am doubling the recipe, so I dump in 4 Tablespoons. You can see then, that when I got down to the Cayenne Pepper (after dumping about half my spice cabinet into the bowl) I read 8 teaspoons instead of 1/8 teaspoon. That's a big difference Yo!

I look at the chicken. It is literally already baking under the heat of the cayenne attack. I think I hear it sizzling right there on the cabinet. My face burns. My hands burn. I glance at the guests in the living room. I think about the others who are innocently waiting for me to bring them a home cooked meal. This stuff is fire and I am pretty sure it's more spice than chicken at this point.

Hmmmm...

I rinse the chicken. I dump it all into a mixing bowl and rinse it. No joke it takes about 5 cycles before the water is no longer orangey-red and the spices are mostly gone.

Start over. Wow, it sure does look more reasonable now. 

1/2 teaspoon salt instead of 2 teaspoons (doubled to 4)

1/4 teaspoon onion powder instead of 4 teaspoons (doubled to 8)

You get the idea. Whew, I baked it and it turned out just fine.

Disaster averted.

Fractions are important y'all. Numerators are vital. You can't just use the denominator.

Lesson learned.

An Open Letter to the Wall Lizards in My House

Dear Cicaks (wall lizards) in My House:

I don't see you around a lot, but I know you are here. By the amount of poop you leave on the floor, you either have huge parties at night while we are sleeping, or you have serious digestive issues. Either way, I'd like to bring up a few problems that I see with our living arrangement.

You have never offered to pay rent and that is OK with me. I've never asked you to. But I feel it is very reasonable to ask for you to earn your keep. When I see mosquitoes in the house it is proof to me that you are not doing your job. If you want to hang out on our walls, please eat our mosquitoes.

Secondly, I would like to discuss your toilet habits. Poop stuck on the wall leaves stains. Please don't do that any more. Please find a location outside to do your business. I know you go outside at some point. I know this because there are more and more cicaks coming to live in our house. So you either leave the house at some point, or you are sneaking on my computer and tweeting my address to wall lizards everywhere.

And finally, I don't know what sorts of parties you are having at night, but when I find a tipsy cicak in the morning who can't even stick to the wall and falls splat on the floor in front of me...well, frankly it startles me and grosses me out simultaneously. It is just such an incident that has prompted me to write you this letter.

So, dear cicaks who live in my house: please...eat more, poop outside, and please please quit falling splat on the floor.

Sincerely,
The Folks Who Provide the Many White Walls You Live On

Fun Words

I like words. I like to read 'em and I like to write 'em. There are some words that are just fun. I especially like to hear and say those words. Do you know what I'm talking about? Words like smarmy. Isn't it fun to say?

smarmy!

Other languages have fun words too.

Gaptek. How awesome is that word? If you have a "gap" in your knowledge of technology, you suffer from gaptek!  That's Indonesian.

MOOSHkilluh. Boy, can't you just grab a hold of that word? That's Arabic for "problem" and it feels great to say it when you are talking about a problem!

How about NuEE? And there's not even a letter in this alphabet to write the funnest part of the word. That's what to say when you are calling a little girl to come over to shake your hand or whatever when you are in Eritrea. It's great fun to say.

Words are fun. They are fun because they have meaning. But on a purely shallow level, sometimes they are just fun to say! What are your favorite words?

The Hunt For H2O2

Dad can't hear a thing!  He needs help!  Kris plays pharmacist and tries to figure out the ratio of water to Super Strength H2O2

We are having a fantastic summer with my parents and my sister & family visiting us.  Unfortunately, my dad has an ear infection.  Go to the doctor?  Ummm, well, we decided it would be better just to get advice from a doctor friend and do the treatment ourselves.  OK, no problem, we bought ear drops and then all we needed was some hydrogen peroxide so he can flush his ears.  Our doctor friend tells us to go to the pharmacy and ask for "H2O2" to get hydrogen peroxide.  OK, so we go.  No H2O2.  OK, we try another pharmacy.  Nope.  Another...nope.  Another...nope.  At the fourth one we got a yes!  Yippee!  They were confused and asked me what we wanted it for, then said all they had was 50% strength.  In the US it is more like 3% or something like that.  OK, I figure we can dilute it, so I say I want it.

"How much?" she asks.

Hmmmm, "About this much...?" I say, holding my hands up to measure the height of a small bottle.  She laughs.  And then I ask, well, how do you measure it?

Finally she asks, "One hundred mililiters or two hundred?"  Ah, there we go, something more specific.  I ask for two hundred.  We sit to wait...wait...people come in...wait...people leave...wait...a car hits a motorcycle over in the street...wow...wait...thirty minutes later a pharmacist comes out to tell us that H2O2 was in the computer, but actually, they don't have it after all.  Hmmm, this is the reverse of the spaghetti sauce incident, very interesting.  We struck out.

Eventually (don't ask how) we end up with a small bottle of...who knows...maybe 50% or maybe100% H2O2.  Yikes.  So Kris and Dad sit down and do the math, how on earth do we make it into 3%?  We get out bottled water, our newly acquired melt-threw-steel-strength hydrogen peroxide, a measuring cup...here goes nothing!  OK, now we've got what we think might possibly be about the right mixture.  I hope so because Dad squeezed it into his ear!!

The next day I asked at three more places, still no hydrogen peroxide.  Who knew it would be so hard to find?  You can ask for prescription strength just about anything and have no problem, but hydrogen peroxide is apparently a no-go!

Our city is a Bring-Your-Own-Hydrogen-Peroxide-Zone.  Good to know...

Measuring cup...luke warm water...

Be careful, this stuff is dangerous!  We make our own label so no one will think this is a normal bottle of water...

OK, here we go...

Dad!  Does it burn?

Home Again!

We're back home again!  We went from the slopes of an active volcano to the shores of a beautiful tropical island.  We enjoyed yummy food, excellent friendships and received quality Bible teaching.  We survived ice cold splash baths, an almost broken arm (Aaron), very little sleep the first week, and no one got sick!  We camped out, roasted hot dogs, hiked, played capture the flag, did crazy relays, sang, flew on airplanes, walked on the beach, went to a water park, spent time with friends, spent time in prayer, hugged a lot, worshiped, posed for crazy pictures, watched a baptism in the swimming pool and paid a lot of money to eat some crazy good cheese cake.  It was a great 2 1/2 weeks.  

I didn't take very many pictures, which is unusual for me.  But I couldn't resist this picture in the airport.  There was an "unattended bag" in the waiting room...does it look suspicious to you?  LOL

And then we came home.  Our cat was so happy he meowed himself hoarse and didn't get his voice back until the next day.  Now it's time to get ready for summer guests!  My sister and her family arrive in 6 days and my parents arrive in 13 days...WOOHOO!  I am trying to clean the house up.  I was aiming for neat and clean, but I think my style for house decor is "Early 21st Century Clutter" so I'll just have to embrace the inevitable and put my efforts into things like laundry and keeping the dishes washed.  

So, if you rummage through items in your shelves that you haven't looked through in awhile, what do you find?  Dust?  Maybe a little bug like a cricket or silverfish?  Well, now, how about hatched lizard eggs?  That's what I found.  Awesome, lizards are setting up homes in my shelves.

Perhaps I need to say that my home is "Early 21st Century Clutter with a Jurassic Twist."

My Bucket List

I (Jana) had a birthday this month!  Last year was my "big 4-0" and the other day I was reading over something I wrote on my birthday last year.  I never posted it because I didn't want to sound like I was bragging or anything.  But I reread it this year and decided I should post it.  And just to remain humble, I will tell you that this year I got my hair highlighted and here I am getting it done! Enjoy the photo, I'm sure I'll regret this later...

So, I have never actually seen the movie, but this year (well, TODAY actually!) I (Jana) turn 40 years old!  I think I want to make my own "reverse" bucket list!  I keep thinking of how full my life has been.  If 40 years was all I had, I'd have no regrets.  I'd have done so many things already.  So I decided, instead of trying at 40 to do 40 more things, why not celebrate 40 things the Lord has already allowed me to do?  Besides, "done" lists are so much less stressful than "to do" lists!  So,

40 AWESOME THINGS I HAVE DONE IN THE PAST 40 YEARS
(but in my mind it will always be "My Bucket List"!)

1.  Saved and baptized on the slopes of the volcano Mount Merapi 

2.  Lived in 6 different countries 

3.  Visited 27 different countries 

4.  Seen some "wonders of the world" like Borobudur, Giza Pyramids and Sphinx 

5.  Went on a cruise 

6.  Got a SCUBA license (and a Ham Radio license) 

7.  Got married! 

8.  Have 3 awesome kids! 

9.  Studied 4 languages (2 with other scripts) 

10. Wrote a book! (ok, sort of) 

11. Led some folks to Christ 

12. Lived almost on the Nile River 

13. Went to Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Nazareth and Jericho 

14. Graduated from college 

15. Went to a Thai cooking class 

16. Studied Balinese dancing 

17. Learned to embroider on a treadle machine in Eritrea 

18. Went snow skiing 

19. Went water skiing 

20. Camped in the Sahara desert 

21. Boogie boarded in the Indian Ocean 

22. Rode a dogsled on the highest point in Europe (Jung Frau) 

23. Camped in New Zealand (in a camper) 

24. Para-sailed in Mexico 

25. Had an ALMOST lead role in a musical! ha!  (Mikado) 

26. Watched all three of my kids ask Jesus into their hearts and watched 2 of them get baptized in the Nile River (since then our third was baptized in a swimming pool in Thailand)

27. Visited the castle of the MacLeod clan (my ancestors) on the Isle of Skye in Scotland 
28. Watched Phantom of the Opera in London 

29. Seen at least 14 states of the United States 

30. Trained in spiritual disciplines by my parents! 

31. Watched a hernia operation 

32. Personally met many persecuted believers 

33. Proud of my parents and siblings (not everyone can say that you know!) 

34. Enjoyed a fabulous relationship with my grandmother, Betsy Crane

35. Bought a clam in Hawaii that had 2 pearls in it 

36. Spent the night at the circus 

37. Floated in the Dead Sea 

38. Rode an elephant in Thailand 

39. Rode a camel at the Red Sea 

40. Continue to watch my kids have similar awesome TCK experiences

Thank You, Lord, for 40 fantastic years.  They haven't always been easy, and they haven't always been happy.  But You have led me and have been faithful and today I am a stronger and better person because You have taught me so much.

Smile!

Whatcha think of my awesome bathroom design skills?  This picture does not  evendo justice to the bright shiny-ness of the walls, the true intensity of the color.  There is a story to my color choice, I promise!  Here's what happened...


We've been having some work done on our house.  Kris asked the workman to also repaint our guest bathroom.  When it came time to paint, I had a discussion with the painter. 


"Would you like pink?" he asked, hopefully.  


"No!  Not pink!" I replied.  Honestly, I don't even like the pink tile to begin with, and I like the blue tile in the "bak" (water reservoir you can see in the picture) even less.  But anyway, "I want white," I continued, "But not very white.  More like cream," I said, pointing to the cream colored walls in the hallway.


"Ok," he replied, and headed out to buy paint.  He returned and painted the bathroom.  But he finished late and I had to leave quickly as soon as he was done.  So I just left the house quickly and did not check the bathroom until the next day.  When I looked in the bathroom the next day, I found SMILEY FACE YELLOW colored walls!  I couldn't believe it!  Surely he didn't misunderstand me.  I was very clear.


Later, Kris talked to the worker about the paint.  It went someting like this:


"You painted the bathroom yellow."


"Yes!"


"But Jana wanted CREAM."


"Yes, but that is just too much cream.  So I painted it yellow."


Pause.


"But Jana wants CREAM."


LOL  I will eventually get my cream colored bathroom walls, but for the time being, this is what the bathroom looks like.  It is SMILEY FACE YELLOW and therefore reminds me to SMILE!

Funnies From 'Round Here

 I've found several funny things around town this past month.  I just have to share them with you!  


First of all, have you ever seen

a car with eyelashes?  Well, I had not until I saw this Mercedes with fake eyelashes.  Really!

I

 Next was this sign at a local water park that gave instructions on acceptable swimwear.  Wow, everything from string bikinis to full body "burkinis."  Once we got in the park we saw NO bikinis and several "burkinis," but mostly everyone just swam fully clothed!

 Here is some ice cream I found at the grocery store I shop at.  Would you buy Dung Dung ice cream?

And last, but not least... this lady on a motorcycle at a stop light.  Her shirt advertises Ultra Violent Skin Block.  Now, I like to protect my skin from the sun just as much as the next gal.  But I wouldn't want to but anything "ultra violent" on my skin!  How about you?

Mini Bonfires

Here is something easy and fun to make for any pyromaniacs who might live in your home.

 First you need some crazy participants.

And then you need tuna cans (one per bonfire) and then strips of cardboard.  Roll the cardboard up and stuff them into the tuna cans in a spiral so that you can see the currogated parts.  This makes a honey-comb look from the top.

Melt wax candles on the stove top.  I used an old vegetable can to melt the candles because I didn't want to mess up a sauce pan.  That way I could just throw out the can when I was done.  When the wax is melted, pour it over the cardboard on the inside of the tuna cans to coat the cardboard.

When the wax cools and hardens, you have what acts like a giant candle wick in a can!  You can take your tuna can anywhere and have a ready-made mini bonfire!

We roasted marshmallows with ours.

And told ghost stories.

And had alot of fun!

One Scoop or Two?

Just this morning I got a FB message from a friend whose husband is traveling for the first time in their young marriage.  She encouraged me by saying she remembers how I used to have to "hold up the fort" in Africa when we had three young boys and my hubby was traveling.

Immediately two scenes come to mind, and both involve three little boys, a broken generator, and Kris on a long trip.  Our boys were young, the littlest one still nursing, and Kris had to travel out of the country.  In our dusty little home in the desert, when Kris "got to" travel outside the country, I always fought jealousy...and things always went wrong.  On this particular trip, the generator broke.

We had a generator for the frequent power outages.  At 120 degrees, once the electricity went out, it was only a matter of seconds before we were sweating and tearfully praying for the power to return.  In the mean time we'd crank up our old half-working generator.  Sometimes it worked. On this particular day it did not.

So the first scene that pops into my head is me sitting on the bed trying to nurse my baby.  It is hot as you-know-what and I am dripping sweat.  The last thing I want is a warm little baby body up next to me and I can't understand why my baby would want to drink milk at a time like this.  Logic, of course, flies out the window when one is hot!  I can't help but imagine his little baby belly full of curdled milk.

The second scene that comes to mind is later that day.  I can't get the generator to start and am about to go out of my mind with the heat and three little heat-struck younguns.  I call the generator company in town and use my very best Arabic to tell them the problem.  The man tells me that since I had a friend look at the generator before calling them, the warranty is void.  WHAT?  I explain that my friend didn't touch anything on the generator but he maintains that the warranty is now no good.

"You had some one else look at it, that is the problem," he says to me in Arabic.  And here is proof that our deepest feelings can only be expressed in our heart language:  because I burst out in English, loud English, angry English.  I am pretty sure the loud and angry part translate pretty well even if the words do not.

"THAT'S not the problem!" I say, my voice escalating, "You know what the problem is?  The problem is my HUSBAND is gone and I am HOT!!!!  And I have three little boys and THEY are HOT.  WE NEED THE GENERATOR TO WORK!!!"

Those of you who know me can see the humor in all of this, as I have never yelled at a single soul.  But that day, I found my limit!  So here is my limit:  120 degree heat, husband gone, a preschooler, a toddler, a nursing baby, no ceiling fan, and news that my warranty is void.  That's my limit y'all, now you know.

As bad as I felt about the yelling episode, it did get the results I wanted.  The man paused for a second and then replied in Arabic, "We will come right over."

They honored the warranty and fixed the generator.  We got some air circulating in the house.  I did not hurt anyone, we all survived!  I felt a mixture of accomplishment that I'd figured out a way to fix the problem and guilt that I'd resorted to yelling at someone to do so.

So what do we learn from that?  I guess I learned my limit. That generator man learned not to mess with foreign ladies who are suffering from the heat!  And maybe we can all just learn to laugh at ourselves a little more.  I started, now it's your turn!  Laugh at the crazy things you've done when you reached YOUR limit!

CABIN FEVER

Kris has been gone all week and so I've been hosting germs, stomach flu germs.  Actually, Joel has been hosting them.  I've just been hangin' out at the house with Joel all week.  It hit me yesterday, not the germs, the feeling that I had......CABIN FEVER!!!!

There is no remedy in "Where there is No Doctor," one of my favorite books.  But who needs a book when you have the internet?  So I looked it up.

Here is what Wikipedia says (my comments in red):

"Cabin fever is an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person (that's ME!) or group (no, pretty much just me) is isolated and/or shut in a small space (our home), with nothing (that she wants) to do, for an extended period (since last Saturday) (as in a simple country vacation (yea right) cottage during a long rain or snow (not)). Symptoms include restlessness (yup), irritability (you'll have to ask the boys), irrational frustration with everyday objects (yeah, you should have seen what I did to the dinner spoons and the tape dispenser!  what does that even mean?), forgetfulness (about what?), laughter (yup), excessive sleeping (nope), distrust of anyone they are with (what are the kids up to?), and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark. (yup)

The phrase is also used humorously to indicate simple boredom from being home alone. (it's not funny people)^[1] The term was first recorded in 1918 (I am pretty sure I've been cooped up in this house that long).^[2] Other references have the term in use at least to 1906. An 1820 reference is to an actual fever, common in Ireland, resulting from eating watery potatoes during wet years. (mental note not to eat potatoes during rainy season)

Wendigo psychosis, a culture-bound syndrome, may be an extreme form of cabin fever which compels those suffering from it to engage in cannibalism. Oh my word!  Someone come get me outta here!