I MOVED!

I am a traveler at heart and that includes my blogging. I packed up and moved over to my new space at:

www.JanaKelley.com/my-blog

Y'all come on over!

Darkness His Covering

"He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him--the dark rain clouds around him--the dark rain clouds of the sky. Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightening." Psalm 18:11-12

photo credit: Charles Wolf

Darkness His covering. Psalm 18:1-12 is poetic and beautiful--I wish someone would paint them. I would gaze at a painting of this for a long time. Or someone should compose a musical piece for an orchestra. Imagine the first verses are soft and beautiful--perhaps there is a light, happy tempo. Then comes tragic, scary music...heavy drum beats. Then comes a frantic small call for help...perhaps a lone woodwind instrument, like a clarinet. Next comes strong music that wells up...God is angry. The enemy is messing with His child. God comes in heavy music and symbols clash like the bolts of lightening in verse twelve.

It's a beautiful picture. As I read it from the omniscient perspective, I am amazed at God's love for each child of His. See how He moves to save His precious ones!? But I have been that child crying for help. The child surrounded by evil does not see from a broad perspective. That child cannot see beyond the darkness. And when that child calls for help and only sees more darkness and an approaching storm, that child might be tempted to lose hope. I've been there.

"He made darkness His covering." Why does God make darkness His covering? He is Light itself. The Bible tells us that we won't need a sun in heaven because God Himself will be our light. Why, then, does He come to come to save with darkness as His canopy?

I don't know why He does it. I could speculate things like: if He came in His full glory, the earth would burn up and we would all die. Or perhaps those dark rain clouds cover Him from the enemy until He has fully approached to defend us.

I suppose it's not for the child to understand why the Father does the things He does. But it takes faith for the child to trust his God--trust that his God is in the darkness, the clouds, the rain, the lightening, and the hail.

"Out of the brightness of His presence clouds advanced."

photo credit: Charles Wolf

How do clouds advance out of brightness? I don't know how this works...but it is a reality that I need to learn and trust. The clouds that cover Him advance out of His brightness. A brightness that cannot be described. It cannot be contained. He is a good God. Behind the darkness is His goodness. The King of the universe coming to save me when I call...

Guess What I Found!

Graduation...check. Summer camp...check. Now to pack and get ready to head to Texas for six months. I decided to spend a few minutes updating books I've read on my Goodreads Profile and guess what I found!

Do you know?

Ok, I'll tell you.

I found THIS! A page for my upcoming sequel to Side By Side. It is called Door to Freedom and, according to Goodreads, will be released in February, 2017! I better start writing it. Just kidding. I've written it, but I am doing final polishing on it and appreciate prayers for that!

I think it's basically a place-holder because at the moment there is no cover displayed (pssst! It's a pretty cool looking cover and I can't wait to share it with you...but it's not quite fully finished) and also the description has a few issues, like stopping in mid-...

So...a little work left to do on it, but the other exciting news is that I am expecting an offer in the mail for a contract for Book 3 which will wrap up the series. I am so excited about this as well, because Book 3 is going to be fun to write.

Want to find out news about upcoming writing without having to come to this blog to check? You can sign up for my newsletter here.

Muddled Thoughts

Somehow blogging was easier when no one was reading it :) And I suppose that may be the case now, since so much time has passed since my last post. But I know I need to keep this thing going. It's just that...I'm not so sure I want to share some stuff that I think about. What if you don't like it? What if you think I am way out of line?

But the other day I shared an idea with my son and he practically made me promise to write it down and post it. I say he practically did...I still haven't done it yet, but that's not to mean I won't. I got to work up to it.

I've taken a small break from writing just about anything. Why? Life is a little crazy at the moment. A couple of years ago I'd look at the parents of high school seniors and wonder what the fuss was all about. What did they mean that having a senior made life crazy at the end of the year?

Now I have a senior. And life is crazy. Now I get it.

I'm working on a Tshirt quilt for him. Memories displayed in Tshirts all the way from middle school days. Yes, I kept them and carted them around through three moves to three different islands. It is coming along well and I am already eyeing the Tshirts of my younger sons. They come downstairs after changing out of their school uniforms and I look at them and think, "Oh, that will be great on their senior quilt!"

I've got to clear my desk off though, so I can put my sewing machine on it to sew it all together. I remember that there was once a desk...I'm hoping it's still there, under all the junk that I piled on it just days after cleaning it off and telling myself "this looks so great, I'll never junk up my desk again." This time, if I find my desk, I'll keep it clean. I promise.

And speaking of promises, I need to write that post my son told me I should write.

But first things first. I gotta finish his quilt.

Having a senior in the house is crazy at the end of the school year.

Barbed Wire

Fences with barbed-wire loomed on either side of me as I inched my car through the gates. I stopped at the guardhouse to show my volunteer badge and parked in the visitor section before making my way to one of several cottages. Nerves kept me alert as I crossed the lawn and entered the lobby before being directed to a side room.

The juvenile detention center always made me nervous. My comfort zone waited for me somewhere far outside the confines of this facility that housed troubled teens.

Six or more girls attended our weekly Bible study. I helped facilitate small group discussion and other activities that the leader planned.

I glanced at the white board on the wall. It had not been erased from some previous group therapy session. Red and black marker spelled out the formative years of one of the participants: gender confusion, divorce, jail, victimization. You name it. I looked into the eyes of the girls who entered the room. They were glazed. Medication kept most of the girls in a fog.

After the Bible study we divided into small groups for discussion. The other volunteer and I took a couple of girls each.

“I don’t know if I should do this,” one of the girls in my group said. She lowered her gaze.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

She reached into her mouth, pulled out a tiny object, and handed it to me. A staple. I looked at her, questions filling my eyes like the fog that filled hers.

“I have been hiding it in my mouth for several days,” she said. “I was going to hurt myself, but I know now that is wrong. I want you to get rid of it.”

I stuck the staple in my pocket, unsure what else to do. I would ask the Bible study leader about it later. She knew the protocols. Before I had a chance to think about it any further, the Bible study leader called to the other volunteer and I.

“These two young women would like to pray to receive Jesus.” She gestured toward two of the girls and looked at the other volunteer. “Can you help them do that?”

This made sense, of course, as the other volunteer was a seminary graduate. I looked at her and saw panic.

“No,” she said. “I can’t do that.” She looked at me with frantic eyes. “Can you do it instead of me?”

“Of course,” I said. I moved to where the two girls sat and, in simple words, explained how Jesus had taken the punishment we deserved and how He would forgive us if we turned from our sin and confessed Him as Lord. That night those two girls prayed, asked Jesus to save them, and became my new sisters in Christ!

As I drove past the barbed fences and back to my comfort zone, I couldn’t help but wonder: “What happened back there?”

A seminary graduate afraid to pray with two girls asking for salvation? Wasn’t that the “golden moment” for anyone in ministry? I felt blessed by the opportunity to guide two girls into the Kingdom. But I think that blessing was meant for the other lady. Her fear immobilized her at a most crucial time.

I learned a couple of things that night. First, no amount of training (seminary, classes, certificates, etc.) enables us to do the Lord’s work if we do not also obey the Spirit when it comes time to act. Second, if I don’t step up when it’s my turn to act, the Lord may choose to give the blessing to someone else.

That night, I received the blessing of watching two girls get forgiven and saved. But lest I become prideful, that night is also a reminder to me. I could very easily become the one who misses out on the blessing if I refuse to listen, become too lazy to obey, or focus my eyes on fear.

Will I See Her In Heaven?

Hanaan* fanned the flame of her charcoal stove with one hand and with the other she skillfully lifted the clay pot just as the coffee began to boil up through the narrow spout. 

“You must let it boil over three times before you serve the coffee,” she explained. 

Hanaan was one of my closest friends in Eritrea.  She and I were as different as two women could be. I was in my early twenties and she didn’t even know her age. I was married and she was well past marrying age and would be single all her life. I was free to make choices, she lived under the rule of her older brother. I believed in Christ with all my heart and by my own choice, Hanaan was born into the religion of her family and was bound by intense family pressure.

Hanaan and her brothers and sisters were all unmarried and all lived together in a two room house. Their kitchen was a dilapidated shack in the dirt courtyard. They lived most of their lives as refugees in a neighboring country and told us fascinating stories of having to escape in the night and travel many days on camel. 

We shared several times about Christ with Hanaan and her family. Hanaan was usually quite busy cooking and working in the house, but on the night we shared God’s full plan of salvation, she brought her portable tin stove close to where we sat so she could hear while she worked. Several days later the family requested to watch a video about Jesus. We eagerly brought our television and VCR (yes, this was before DVDs!) to their house to show them the film.

One day Hanaan and I went to the vegetable market together. Walking along the street, away from the ears of her family, Hanaan began to talk about Jesus. “Jesus is a very good man,” she said. “Jesus loved the poor people very much, didn’t He?”  I agreed wholeheartedly and began to pray in my heart for Hanaan. We walked in silence for a while and then she said, “Jesus is the Son of God.”

That day is forever seared in my memory. This young woman had dared to believe that Jesus is indeed the Son of God.  I have asked God a thousand times, “Does that count, God? Does that make Hanaan a true believer?” 

About a year later Hanaan got a splinter in her hand. She tried to use a needle to remove it, but didn’t know how to keep the wound clean. Soon, infection set in and within a week Hanaan was dead. We had returned to the United States by then, and received this news by email.

Why hadn’t I shared with Hanaan more? Why hadn’t I continued that conversation we had on the street that day? Why hadn’t I been there to help her clean the wound on her hand? And my biggest question: when I arrive in heaven, will I see Hanaan there?

*Name changed

Clouds

NORTH AFRICA? Are you kidding me? I am so excited! I've been asked to lead a Bible Study at a retreat in a few months...in North Africa. Those of you who know our history know that this means I get to go back to our "old stompin' grounds," or at least close to it. I am endlessly thankful for the opportunity and am beside myself with excitement.

I had several ideas already for what I could do and was making little mental notes and trying not to get too invested in case it didn't work out. But a Skype call on Friday confirmed that all is a "go" and I can buy my tickets. Woohoo!

But also, after talking for over an hour with my friend, a cloud of doubt crept into my head.

What do I have to offer these ladies? Nothing!

I watched helplessly as the doubt monster flung all my ideas out the window. (Oops, I already described the doubt as a cloud and now it's a monster. I guess it was a cloudy monster...or a monstrous cloud. Either way, it stomped on my happiness.)

After the conversation, I drove to school to pick up the kids. I parked the car and walked across campus to sit on a bench overlooking the beach. Yes, you read that right, my kids go to school by the beach. Life is crazy.

The benches are at the edge of a drop-off that goes down to a second ledge and then the beach. From here, I had a beautiful view of the water and the mainland in the distance. On this day, the view took my breath away. A storm approached and dark clouds shaded the water, turning it to a beautiful turquoise, like a sparkling gem. I was overcome with peace.

God orchestrated that storm: the rain-filled clouds, the color of the water, the cool wind. He was completely in control of it. If He can do all of that--can create something so magnificent--He can guide me to prepare for this retreat.

"Remember to extol his work, which men have praised in song. All mankind has seen it; men gaze on it from afar. How great is God--beyond our understanding!...He draws up the drops of water, which distill as rain to the streams; the clouds pour down their moisture and abundant showers fall on mankind. Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds...God's voice thunders in marvelous ways he does great things beyond our understanding." (from Job 36 and 37)