Dear Hannah: Between the Lines

*NOTE: You can find the other "Dear Hannah" letters by clicking here or on the words "Dear Hannah" under "What's Up?" in the right-hand column.

Dear Hannah,

Your story of mothering from afar is comforting to me. That is what I am learning to do. I read about the first time you parted with your son and my own feelings of parting with my son surface. I stare at 1 Samuel 2:11, “Then Elkanah went home to Ramah, but the boy ministered before the Lord under Eli the priest.” After the beautiful gift of God (your precious baby boy) and the faithful keeping of your promise (to give him back to the Lord), you pray a wonderful prayer. The first part of your story is filled with emotion. I feel the pain, rest in the peace, rejoice in the answer to prayer and stand in awe at your strength. There is so much meaning  in these first verses of the book named after your son. Then, in chapter two verse eleven, “Elkanah went home to Ramah.” That’s it. Elkanah went home...the end.

I don’t think so!

How about “Elkanah and Hannah went home, and as they walked, they found themselves looking around for Samuel, thinking he was walking home with them”? Or how about, “Elkanah went home and Hannah set the table for three...and then sighed and put one plate back on the shelf because there were only two people eating that night”? Or maybe, “Elkanah and Hannah went home and Hannah thought of a funny joke to tell Samuel, only Samuel wasn’t around and Elkanah already knew the punch-line.” I think one of those sentences would be more realistic. There is so much more written between the words, “Elkanah went home.” I didn’t know that before, Hannah, but I do now. There is so much more written between the lines when I say, “Our son is attending boarding school.”

What did you do when you returned home? How did it feel? I have the wonderful benefit of parents who have had a very similar experience as mine. My mother wrote a letter for me to read when I got home from taking our son to school. I will share it with you:

Dear Jana,

Well – the house surely seems different now, doesn’t it? It will take awhile to get used to. Don’t let yourself wallow in this sadness. Just recognize it and remember it is part of God’s plan (for you as well as your son) and therefore is a good thing. Don’t miss what God is teaching you now. He will fill that aching hole with Himself. He will give you peace and comfort – it’s coming.

Dad and I are praying for each of you as you adjust to this. We hurt with you. But we also have the perspective of having been through it three times. Each time a little different and each time He showed us something new about Himself (and ourselves). He is trustworthy and faithful.

We are praying for you guys.

All our love,

Mom and Dad

I am thankful that God gave my mother the wisdom to read between the lines of “our son went to boarding school and then we went home”! I am curious, if you could re-write the verse, Hannah, from your own experience, what would you write between the words “Elkanah went home to Ramah”?

Dear Hannah Pt. 4

Well, here I sit at home, far away from my first born son.  In my mind’s eye, I imagine you sitting in your home somewhere in the hill country of Ephraim.  It seems to me that a mother’s heart is timeless and not bound by culture or language.  Did you have some of the same feelings I now have? I wonder...  Did you feel that nagging sense of dread mixed with that cautious excitement because you knew what you were doing was right?  Were you brave when you thought you’d be weak, and then did you burst into tears when you least expected it?  That’s what I did all last week when we took our son to his school and got him all set up.

One thing I forgot:  we’d be there on a Sunday.  I brought no clothes at all for the rest of us to attend church.  My eldest, of course, had all his clothes.  His whole life was packed into two bags and a guitar case.  But the rest of us brought only casual clothes.  Thankfully, the international church was a mix of casual and dressy.  As I read over 1 Samuel 1 again, I see that you were prepared.  You brought a rather large sacrifice to Shiloh, along with your son.  And while you were there, getting your son all set up and leaving him there, you worshiped the Lord.

Well, I can tell you that I did not feel like worshiping the Lord that Sunday.  My heart was not in it, though I stood to sing the songs.  And as I did, I worshiped the Lord out of the “bare bones” of my faith.  No warm fuzzy feelings, no big happy smiling, just a faith that what we are doing is right, and a trust that the Lord would take care of my son.  I was praising God because I knew the words were true and I believed them with all my heart, though that same heart was hurting.  It was not worshiping because it felt good, it was worshiping because it is true; and that made it beautiful.  We sang “Sing to the King,” and as I sang, “we belong to Jesus” I realized that we (both my son and I) belong to Jesus.  My son does not belong to me, he belongs to Jesus, as do I.  And the next words were:  “He is all we need.”  Jesus is all my son needs.  Jesus is all I need.

Hannah, you sang a song when you were worshiping.  Somehow, I always assumed that song was sung when Samuel was born.  But you actually sang it when you took Samuel to leave him at the temple.  I have to admit, it doesn’t seem very catchy.  I don’t really get your train of thought either, all that stuff about death and life, rich and poor, starvation and broken bows and thunder and enemies.  Our songs of worship may not have crossed the lines of time, but if our mother hearts do, then I imagine you sang that song out of your bare bones of faith too.  And that’s what makes it beautiful.

We worship God in the easy times.  We worship God in the hard times.

Come let us sing a song, a song declaring we belong to Jesus.  He is all we need!

Our son's school is on the coast.  A beautiful reminder of the greatness of our King!

Dear Hannah Pt. 3

Dear Hannah,

Well, here it is, the day before we head off to take our son to school.  This morning I am struck by a couple of things that you did when you were in my position.  First of all, you stayed home and, as far as I can tell, did your very best to raise Samuel at home to the best of your ability, until you felt he was mature enough to move away.  And when that time came, you didn't change your mind or postpone or back away...you kept your promise (1 Sam. 1:23).  So here it is, the time has come for our family.  I want to move forward and not back away, even if it's hard.

The second thing that struck me is when you said you would, "leave him there with the Lord permanently" (verse 22, NLT).  This was a permanent change for your family.  While you would always be Samuel's mother, and I imagine a big part of his life, the change was big and it was permanent.  I live in a different world than you, Hannah.  I have internet and cell phones and airplanes working in my favor.  But the fact remains that this transition for our family is permanent, things are changing and we'll never go back to the way it was before.  That's a tough pill to swallow (not that you know what pills are).  But here's the other amazing thing about what you said, "leave him there with the Lord."  Our sons are with the Lord permanently.  Hannah, your son was going to live at the temple and be in the Lord's presence permanently.  I know that had to be a comfort for you.  On this side of the Cross of Christ, we have the Holy Spirit who resides in believers permanently.  I am so thankful that my son has the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, that will guide him and be with him PERMANENTLY.  

God says in Isaiah 41:13, "For I hold you by your right hand- I- the Lord your God.  And I say to you, 'Don't be afraid.  I am here to help you."  Of all the things my son is packing to take to school, I am most thankful for the Holy Spirit!

I don't suppose Hannah marked Samuel's clothes, but I had to write my son's name on all of his stuff!

Seriously?  On socks?  He better not lose any of these after all that writing! My suggestion to you?
Name your child using letters that are straight lines and not curvy ones.  You'll thank me later. 

Ahhh, this is better.  Iron-on labels!

I don't suppose Hannah had an electric iron, do you?

Dear Hannah Pt. 2

for Part One (and an explanation on what in the world this letter is about) see Dear Hannah.

Dear Hannah,

As the time for saying goodbye to my son gets close, I find myself wondering what you thought when you were in my position.  Were you like I am? Did you think..."How could something so good be so painful”?  You had asked the Lord for a baby boy and that is exactly what He gave you.  You had promised to give your boy back to the Lord.  Those are good things:  answers from the Lord, promises to the Lord.  Why, then, could they be so painful?  Did you wonder that?  I do.  My son is a gift from the Lord too.  He is a joy in our family and a wonderful part of every one of our days.  We have also dedicated him to the Lord.  Not in as dramatic a way as you, I suppose, but we did stand before a body of believers and promise to raise him in the ways of the Lord.  Our son is strong and healthy and God has prepared him for this new phase of his life.  I imagine you saw that in Samuel as well.

When I read back over your experience, I see that your husband said to you, “may the LORD help you keep your promise.” (1 Samuel 1:23 NLT)  Wow, this is where the rubber meets the road, though in your time, I guess you wouldn’t have understood what that means...I guess it’s where the horse cart wheel hits the cobblestone?  Anyway, did you have second thoughts about your promise?  Did you regret your promise?  If I had a guess, I’d say probably not.  I don’t have second thoughts or regrets about promising to give my son to the Lord.  But I certainly see now that, when it comes down to it, it’s easier said than done!

Another thing I noticed when reading about your experience is that, when you asked God for a son, you prayed to the “Lord of Heaven’s Armies.” (1 Sam. 1:11a, NLT)  When you said, “LORD,” you were calling on Jehovah, Israel’s name for God. (Strong’s Hebrew Dictionary)  When you said, “Heaven’s Armies” (hosts), you were implicating a war, campaign, or hardship.  (Strong’s Hebrew Dictionary)  It’s as if you were calling on God as the KING and MIGHTY GOD of your nation as well as the CAPTAIN of the armies of Heaven itself to answer the desperate, seemingly insignificant prayers of one small, very average woman praying in the temple.  And what happened when you had the audacity to approach the throne of Heaven with your silly little request and promise?  The KING OF HEAVEN’S ARMIES agreed!  And this same JEHOVAH is Who helped your keep your promise. 

Well, Hannah, I like the idea of an army keeping watch over my son!  So, if you could do it, so can I!  I will keep my promise to God “even when it hurts” (Psalm 15:4b).  I will call on the LORD of Heaven’s Armies to help me keep my promise.  If He gave strength to an average Jewish mom living out in the hill country of Ephraim, I am sure He will do the same for an average American mom living in the islands of Asia!

My son and I enjoy the calm of a Middle Eastern sunset, only about 150 miles from where Hannah and Samuel lived in the hill country of Ephraim.  Taken about 13 years ago.

Dear Hannah

If you could talk to any character in the Bible, who would it be? I've thought of different ones I'd like to talk to, but lately, I've been thinking of Hannah. Of course, I'll never talk to her until we meet in heaven, but suppose I could write a letter that went back in time...here's what I'd say...

Dear Hannah,

I've known you for a long time, from a distance. I read your story when I am praying for someone who is childless. I am blessed to read of your husband, Elkanah's love for you and also touched to read your very raw feelings and grief over being childless. I am so encouraged by your prayer to the Lord that day in the temple, and by the peace that God gave you after you prayed.

But today I am thinking about when you brought your little boy, your very precious first-born child, and left him at the temple. I am wondering about the raw feelings you felt then. You see, while my first-born son is already 14 years old, I am getting ready to take him far away and leave him there. I knew this would happen, and we have been working towards the day for a while now. I suppose you probably were working towards that infamous day too. My son is excited and ready to go to boarding school for his freshman year of high school. My husband and I know this is the right thing, that this is in the Lord's will. But, oh my, did the Lord's will hurt this much for you as well?

The other night I could bear the sadness no longer. I can't imagine family life without him around. I cried. I asked the Lord, "Please, is there any other way?" Did you ever ask the Lord that? Did you ever ask Him a question, even though you already knew the answer? I also asked God for a word, a verse, something... anything! And that has been my prayer for many days now.

Well, this morning I read Ephesians 3:14-18. "When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." (NLT)

I just knew, this was now my prayer verses for my son. This is what I will be praying for him this coming school year. As I read the words, "your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong," I realized that my son going away to school is part of HIS story and journey with the Lord. Were I to hold him back, when he needed to go, I would be stunting his own spiritual growth! I admit that as a mother, I have often been tempted to overprotect my children. Sometimes God has to wrench my hand a little, when trying to get to my kids. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to free my son and his Lord to go on their journey together. Yes, I suppose even if it means that at the end of the summer I'll be waving goodbye for a little while.

So, I just wondered if you felt that way? Did you dread the approaching day? Did you struggle with your promise to bring Samuel to the temple and leave him there? You probably never dreamed that your story would land a spot in the Old Testament! But it did, and I find encouragement from your life testimony of faith and of following through with the Lord. I am hoping that, when the summer is over, and my son goes to boarding school, I can say, just like you did, "My heart rejoices in the Lord! The Lord has made me strong." (1 Sam. 2:1a)